I am known for the empowering art-based programs I run for girls and women, but I have had boys’ programs on the brain a LOT lately. Ever since I started the Self Esteem Through Art program, I have been trying to gather enough boys to host regular boys’ programs in my studio. I have tried one-day programs, multi-class series, themed programs—no dice. Parents say they will sign up, but when push comes to shove, I put out a program, and it’s time to allocate time and money….they don’t follow through. I have had to cancel more boys’ programs than I care to admit because I could not get a small group of parents to buy into their son’s social/emotional health as much as they buy into their “toughness” and desire to expose them to concussions and CTE. I admittedly gave up. I re-channeled that energy into making my girl/women programs the best they could be.
Over the past 9 years, I have been told things like:
- Boys aren’t creative,
- Art is for girls,
- Sports take up all of our time,
- Boys just can’t sit still long enough to attend a class,
- My son would never talk about his feelings,
- Boys are just wired differently.
I had boys in the studio all week this week for a co-ed program and I call bullshit on all of those excuses. The boys sat still, they loved getting dirty and painty as much as the next kid, they were uber creative, they were joyful, they were engaged, they loved expressing themselves with art and STEM activities, and, where they didn’t really have an opportunity to share their feelings, they were quite conversational and enjoyed being listened to when they had something to say. I have one local mom who loves gathering her son and groups of his friends for occasional workshops in my studio—I am so incredibly grateful for her, but surely she can’t be the ONLY mother in a 15-mile radius that wants to seek out sports-alternative programming and is concerned about her son’s social/emotional welfare?! We have done minion and minecraft activities, among others—the boys work with paint and clay, and even sew from time to time. Occasionally, I will get a Boy Scout troop to come in and work on a specific badge—I LOVE those days in the studio. And, I need to create more of them.
The truth of the matter is that boys aren’t showing up because their parents have bought into outdated and dangerous gender stereotypes. The PARENTS have an issue with an art-based empowerment curriculum for boys…despite the fact that most boys themselves do not. The boys aren’t even given an opportunity to know that my program exists because parents make the rules, parents deliver the doctrine of the house, the parents write the checks for their son’s extra-curricular activities, and not enough local parents think that helping boys navigate adolescence and manage their emotions is on par with signing them up for football. Lack of time and money are the excuses people give when they don’t want to confront their own limiting beliefs. Things have to change. Toxic masculinity is rampant in our culture, and our boys are suffering because of it.
It’s time to help boys (and men) understand that there isn’t just one way for them to show up in the world. Macho-at-all-costs is an outdated and dangerous paradigm. We have to help them be less bottled up because all of that bottling is eating them up from the inside out. As a result, they are in turn killing themselves and others. We can show males that they can be tough and tender. They can cry. They aren’t “soft” if they share their feelings (And who fucking cares if they are? The world would benefit hundredfold from more sensitive, self-aware male role models.). Empathy is powerful. We need to give our boys other outlets for their grief, pain, rage, and masculinity that don’t involve guns, video games, concussions and CTE, physical and sexual violence, and porn. We need to assure them that they are just as much a boy or a man, even if they aren’t violent, oppressive, abusive, and dangerous. An emotionally intelligent man is much more powerful than an emotionally repressed one!
I have a small list of people who have expressed interest in a boys’ program at one time or another. I will be reaching out to them again. I don’t have all of the answers, and I know I will get push-back on this from naysayers and status-quoers, but I know I have to keep trying. I have the studio space, I have the knowledge, and I have the wherewithal to be the change on this front—so, I have to keep repeatedly casting the net wide for boys, too. There is no reason on earth that boys can’t/shouldn’t frequent a space where they can work things out with creativity, communication, mindfulness, and empathy.
The time is NOW! Parents need to open their minds and get on board. The health of our society as a whole depends on it.
If you are interested in learning more about programming/coaching for boys, please sign up for my newsletter and send me an email.
Up with boys!
