The current in-studio women’s session I have been running at the Self Esteem Through Art studio is unlike any other I have ever taught before. One, the technique is totally different and none of the women had ever experienced using this medium prior to experimenting with it in class. Two, there is really not much of a personal growth focus in this program—the ART is the vehicle through which they are growing. Three, I am taking much more of a hand’s off approach to teaching and instructing. This kind of teaching style seems to complement the abstract medium perfectly. I cannot influence their outcome in this class like I can in an art journaling class, for example—their actions and the steps they take with the medium are influencing the outcome. I have been part teacher and part spectator.
I know this class has produced some anxiety for the participants. No control? Let go of all expectations? Trust the process? Wait! What? It has produced some anxiety for me as well because I am used to pre-planning the agenda and art projects for every single class. I am used to being the maestro—the studio is my orchestra, responding to my every move. It can be an uncomfortable feeling to sit back and watch someone else’s process. I have had to get very adept at allowing these women to feel disappointment, to “fail” and try again. I have had to practice not jumping in to save them, or their art work, and encouraging them to find beauty in the imperfections. Or to start over and apply what they have learned to create a more ideal outcome.
It has been a different experience. And a beautiful one. One of the reasons I picked this medium was because I learned so much about myself as a person and as an artist when I started experimenting with it last year. It was different than anything I had ever done. I am used to being the storyteller, used to influencing the outcome, used to putting MY stamp on my work. I couldn’t do most of that with this medium. I had to let the ART dictate the story. I had to pay attention. I had to open my eyes—and my heart. I had to see things in a new light. I had to challenge myself to be more of a spectator in my own process, at least until it was appropriate to assert myself into the outcome.
We have three classes left in this series. I hope the women’s connections to themselves and to their art has been as profound as mine was. They have been so brave, so open, and so creative each week. I see it. I hope they see it, too.
