Back in September of 2025, I left Facebook for good (read about that here). It had become abundantly clear to me that social media—while offering delusions of authentic connection—is actually just data mining the shit out of us and pirating our attention spans while simultaneously contributing to the demise of civil society.
Here’s what I’ve learned since leaving the platform: I don’t miss it one bit. And I was correct when calling out the “fallacy of followers as friends” back in September. People seem to want the microwaveable, air fryer version of friendship these days. Proximity without effort. Community, but ONLY if it’s low-stakes and super convenient—and tentative plans can be penciled in 3 months in advance.
We’ve been programmed to view things from a safe distance so we don’t get too close and don’t have to feel too much. Something makes us uncomfortable? No problem, just scroll on past; your For You Page (FYP) will serve something more palatable lickety-split. Perhaps a kitten. Or a Punch Monkey video. Someone in your circle having a tough time and you don’t feel like acknowledging it or making yourself available? You can pretend you never saw that post online and move on with your day. And if they really need support and try to email, text, or call, you can decline and tell them how busy you were. The message got lost. You definitely responded in your head, hahaha. It’s all by design—keep the masses focused on ME! ME! ME! and then they’ll never have to bother with the inherent human need of WE! WE! WE! (*which also ensures they’ll be less likely to rise up against all the injustices, btw.)
I’m truly sick over it. The collective lack of concern, critical thinking, and curiosity. We’re being conditioned to avoid our inherently kaleidoscopic human emotions. Being sold a bunch of bullshit that makes people content to sit at home, thumbs on screens. Anesthetized. Apathetic. A world of surface-level, low-effort lemmings blindly jumping off cliffs and contributing to our own isolation.
So, what have I been doing since I left Facebook? I’ve been making repeated attempts to create community and connect authentically.
In person.
Knee-to-knee.
Singularly.
In groups.
Through a variety of activities.
Via written letter or lengthier, more personal correspondence.
If you’ve read this far, it’s going about as well as you might expect <groan>. I feel…errrmm…wholly unmet. I’ve also realized, devastatingly, that’s not a new feeling for me (more on that when I can speak truthfully about that from scar tissue and not the wound). I’m an inherently community-centered creature living in a world of networkers and I’ve discovered that these two things are diametrically opposed. Community says, “how can we make ourselves available to each other?” Networking screams, “what can YOU do for ME?” The former is grounded in reciprocity and care. The latter is a business transaction.
I’m not really satisfied with my social experiment so far, but I’m going to keep trying because it matters (for both the collective AND me), and there HAVE to be other people out there like me. People who want more. People who understand the implications of the ways our brains (and hearts) are being rewired. People who don’t mind taking some initiative and crave the reciprocity, reliability, and deep inquiry of solidly rooted relationships.
I’ve always held the belief that I would much rather have four quarters than 100 pennies, an analogy about friendship which still rings true today. Onward,
Jenn
P.S. For those of you who read this and think: but we’re soooooo busy, we don’t have time, the world is burning. Yes, we are busy, time is at a premium, and the world IS burning (I know that more acutely than most). But, that’s by design because it’s what a capitalist system demands. There IS a better way (it requires effort and a commitment to unlearning, however), and life is better, softer, and more tolerable when you have people in your life with whom you feel deeply held.