We’ve been falsely led to believe that there are only two choices at any given time and about any given topic. Only two forks in the road. Only two sides of the proverbial coin.
Pro or anti.
Yes or no.
Left or right.
Religious or atheist.
Bigoted or tolerant.
Educated or ignorant.
Rich or poor.
Love or hate.
Liberal or conservative.
Now or never.
All or nothing.
With me or against me.
Citizen or immigrant?
Leader or follower?
Male or female?
Heaven or hell?
This or that.
Plan A or Plan B.
Either/or.
You can’t escape it. It’s literally everywhere. Red Sox or Yankees? Celtics or Lakers? Black or white? North or South? Red wine or white wine? Family or career? Republican or Democrat? Military or education? Online or in-person? Fat or skinny? Adidas or Nike? Mac or PC? Gay or straight? Cat person or dog person? Creative or linear?
No matter what the question is, we’re expected to quickly set up camp on one side of the metaphorical and literal aisle. And stay there.
Are we too obtuse to realize nothing is ever that simple? Or that straightforward. Or that cut and dry. We are a multi-faceted people, living in multi-faceted times, facing issues that are anything but clear-cut.
Was it delusions of expediency that fostered this way of thinking? Did America’s “Pick a Side Culture Wars” slowly and methodically permeate every facet of our culture and blanket every aspect of our history? Is the drive-through, instant gratification, 2-day delivery mindset now driving the bus? Did the far-reaching tentacles of religious and political beliefs set the stage somehow? How much of a factor does the cesspool of social media play?
More likely, and in accordance with the point I am trying to prove, it was a combination of all of the above (and more!) that brought us here. Yet, regardless of the origin, it’s a short-sighted and dangerous way of thinking, acting, and being. As a result, we find ourselves stuck, flailing, and faltering as a country and as a collective body of people. We’re pitted against each other. Combative. Conflict-ridden. Ready to draw a line in the sand, draw our guns, display a show of force, and engage in verbal warfare, despite the fact that we often come with no body of research to support our stance. We’re highly uneducated about things that matter; which is at odds with our strong desire to flout our opinions.
We need to start thinking about (and discussing as legitimate, viable options) all the in-betweens. All the possibilities that haven’t been discussed just yet. The countless paths you could follow that are lying in wait between those tempting forks in the road. We need to start approaching things with a growth mindset as opposed to a fixed, either/or, that’s-the-way-it’s always-been-done mindset. We need to start at the top, with our politicians, policy-makers and educators. And we also need it to bubble up from the bottom, with the 98%.
Whether we think about this metaphorically or literally, so many people want you to pick between Camp Black or Camp White. But what they fail to realize that there are so many viable shades of gray in between. There is soft mouse gray. And dark, stormy thunderstorm gray. There is the delicate gray of your grandmother’s soft nest of hair. And the heather gray of your favorite sweatshirt. There is the gray of “I don’t have enough information to make an informed decision just yet.” Or the gray of “I am working through my generational traumas and reevaluating my thinking on this topic.” If we only pick one color or the other, we miss out on all the beautiful, important variations in between. We lose the depth, breadth, and visual interest of being fully human, fully alive, fully actualized. We, the collective we, need to start meeting in this gray, ambiguous place, if we are ever going to find our way through any topic of importance or relevance and evolve as humans.
We’re being asked to choose left or right when we forget that there are countless paths in between. When at a crossroads, sure, we could easily pick from left or right only. But that would mean we missed out on all of the viable and potentially better-for-us routes in between. If we think purely topographically, there are up to 180° additional degrees nestled within that choice alone and we need to get in the habit of exploring at least a significant amount of them before making a well thought out, educated decision.
To that end, we need to remember that we (and others) can be degrees of one specific thing, but that doesn’t mean we are (or should be) all-in all the time. I can be an ocean person who also find incredible joy and catharsis from an occasional trip to the mountains. Someone can be a lifelong Republican, but decide to vote across the aisle this time because their moral compass is more important. Someone else can be liberal in their political views, but fiscally conservative. People can be economically poor, but rich in friendships and love. There are, quite literally, very few all or nothing, this or that, either/or scenarios.
We would do well to remember these truths in all facets of our life: socially, economically, spiritually, intellectually, environmentally, creatively, professionally, and physically. The two-choice scenario is a growth-stunter, a creativity killer, a country-divider, and a problem perpetuator. More often than not, keeping in mind the beautiful middle is the best, most efficient, path through.