Does your child throw a monumental tantrum when you try to get them to shift gears?
Have coworkers and confidantes ever thrown out one of your inspired ideas before you have even had a chance to market it?
Have you ever wanted to make a positive life change, only to be met with resistance by your closest circle?
The one thing the tantrum-ers, the dream-squashers, and the status quo camp have in common is the question they are asking themselves when they hear change is afoot.
The Million Dollar Question
The one thing people want to know, regardless of the type of change, is: HOW IS THIS GOING TO AFFECT ME?
A change in leadership at the office. How is this going to affect me?
Someone in the house wants to go vegan. How will this affect me?
Your spouse’s job now requires more travel. How will I be affected?
Different health insurance. How will this affect me?
A local town has been floating the idea of changing the start and end times of school. And, what do adults do when they are unsure and maybe a bit insecure? They take to Facebook to rant about it. Why? Because deep down, the question that is on their minds is “HOW IS THIS GOING TO AFFECT ME?” Am I going to have to pay for before and after care? Can I get my kids to the bus at that time? How will it impact extracurricular activities? Will there be a fight to the death with my curmudgeon-y teenager each morning? Will this have a negative impact on our already limited family time? HOW WILL IT AFFECT ME?
My oldest daughter recently went to college. She was initially not happy to hear, during our pre-college conversations, that my husband and I were insisting that she contribute to the cost of her education. In order to help allay her fears and get her on board, we had to address the HOW WILL I BE AFFECTED question before she even thought to ask it. We told her how much money she was expected to contribute, when those contributions would take place, and how much she would have to work in order to be able to cover that responsibility. Once we spelled it out for her, she realized it wasn’t as daunting as she made it out to be and she was fully on board.
Given my line of work, I hear from countless women that their spouses are crabs in a bucket when they suggest that they want to do something like reenter the workforce after time off to raise children. The push-back from their spouses causes a number of these women to continue to put their dreams and aspirations on hold. The reason they are getting the push-back in the first place is because their spouses don’t know the answers to the age-old question of “HOW WILL THIS AFFECT ME?” The not knowing causes them to immediately conjure up a worst-case scenario. Oh great…does this mean I have to do bath time forever now? Am I going to have to do the after-school sports shuffle on my own? Will I have to approach my boss for more time off? Who is going to take care of MY needs?
Managing Objections Up Front
The key to getting what you want is to be able to manage this one question and any subsequent objections up front.
Have a plan.
Offer reassurance.
Do your research.
Offer favorable alternatives.
Another great tip is to tell, don’t ask. Instead of saying to your spouse, “What do you think about me going back to work?”, you will say “I am planning on going back to work in January and these are the kinds of things we need to start preparing for.” Then you can fill him/her in on how they will be affected and why it will all be okay.
Change does have a ripple effect and we need to be sensitive to that. Like they say in The Handmaid’s Tale; “Better doesn’t always mean better for everyone.” People just want to know things are going to be okay and that they will be able to adapt. Proactively arm your circle with information and you are more likely to be met with approval than animosity.
Onward,
Jenn
P.S. The beautiful featured image in this post was created by one of my adult students in an art-journaling class at the Self Esteem Through Art studio.